It’s officially the month of love and l have actually heard people say that this is the month for lovers *laughs in singleness*.
I have always been careful with sharing certain parts of my story because l didn’t want the world to judge me and my past but thank God for His word! Revelations 12:11 RSV says “And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death.”
And Child of God, testify l shall!
With that said, let’s go back to the year 2019. I had just moved out of the city and moved to a new town. And in that town l met a boy. Do keep in mind that l was 24 and my frontal lobe was basically nonexistent at this point haha.
You see, my definition of love had always been according to what l saw in movies and the books l so adoringly read. This meant I became so consumed with the relationship that l couldn’t (and wouldn’t) do anything independently…and that’s how it should be right? Right???
I stopped showing up for the things that l truly enjoyed. The things that at that point made me me and in the process l lost myself. This man had become very important to me and my goal was to always make him happy. In all honesty, that man became an idol to me (Please go read Exodus 20 and see what Gods word says because your girl was doing the complete opposite. PS let’s not forget about that nonexistent frontal lobe ha!).
Eventually, l started hearing of cheating rumours but l chose not to believe them because how could a person whom l loved so much hurt me so deeply? As you have probably guessed, the rumours were indeed true and that guy ended up breaking up with me. Yes, you read right! HE BROKE UP WITH ME and not the other way round.
To say l was devastated would be an understatement. I remember crying and crying for atleast 20hours in a day for about 2 weeks straight. I would wake up at random times in the night with an indescribable pain in my heart and l would be numb for the rest of the day.
I lost weight and was struggling in school ( l was in my 5th year of medical school). I became angry. Angry at him. Angry at myself and angry at God. Because why was this happening to me? Wasn’t it supposed to look like the movies? Where was my happily ever after?
I tell you this part of my life because for so long it truly shaped how l looked at love, both romantic and platonic.The enemy and his subtlety started telling me that people were always bound to let me down and so l started closing up emotionally and building walls around my very fragile little heart.My friendships were suffering because l didn’t want to get my heart broken again and so l loved. But not completely and not unconditionally.
When all this was happening, God was pursuing and slowly repairing my heart.
He would whisper His promises to me which to be honest, l ignored half the time.He never gave up on reaching out to me. Through dreams, through random events and most importantly He reached out to me through fellowship.
I have been so blessed to have experienced the love of God through the people around me and even though l pushed them away for so long, they demonstrated the 1 Corinthians 13 type of love.
The world’s definition of love can be summarised as being conditional (based on the other persons actions or how lovable they are) and mainly based on emotion and feelings.
But God’s love? God’s love is enduring. It is sacrificial. It is patient and kind. It is benevolent. The magnitude of His love for us is indescribable.
Ephesians 3:18 says “so that you, together with all God’s people, may have the power to understand how broad and long, how high and deep, is Christ’s love.”
Through the years, God has opened up my eyes to see His love in my fellowship with His creation. Fellowship demonstrates Gods love by creating a community where individuals are accepted, supported, sharing joys and struggles thus mirroring the unifying, caring and unconditional nature of God’s love
Reading through the Bible, you will see that we aren’t meant to go at it alone. God gives us communities that are forged in faith and there to offer support, guidance and love.
Look at what Hebrews 10:23-24 says
“Let us be concerned for one another, to help one another to show love and to do good. Let us not give up the habit of meeting together, as some are doing. Instead, let us encourage one another all the more, since you see that the Day of the Lord is coming nearer.”
Child of God, as you continue navigating this life, let go of the anger and bitterness that was fostered by looking at love the way the world looks at it. Instead, ask the Holy Spirit to show you and bring you to the community where you will experience the overwhelming, never- ending love of God.
My prayer for you today is that you come to the revelation of who God is and His promises to you. May you experience the joys that come with inviting the Holy Spirit into your heart and mind.
Are you ready to experience true love?
Let God into your heart.
I love you all so so dearly.
Love,
Gladys Farai.
